Haunted House–How I Got Started Doing A Haunted Attraction

If someone had told me years ago that I’d be owner/operator of not one but two haunted attractions, I would’ve thought they were nuts! Nevertheless, here I am, starting my second haunted house. How did I get started doing a haunt? I’ll tell you about my fist one, and then you‘ll know.

Back in 1990s, my husband, daughter, and I lived in a neighborhood that teamed with kids ranging in ages from our two-year-old sprout to the ripe old age of fifteen. We had a chance to get to know all the kids since they played basketball and lawn games with my husband, and they always seemed to have room for the homemade treats I loved to make. This was a great place to raise a child, and we loved our neighborhood. We still do!

Another Rocky Dog Tail–A Squirrel, A Mutt and Pandemonium!

Rocky Dog a.k.a. Mutt-Boy

Like I said in the Many Tails of Rocky Dog, Rocky was the world’s worst rescue dog, which made him hard to adopt. Being a sucker for ANY dog, I took the little guy in. He had the personality of Walter Mathau’s character in Grumpy Old Men, could appear innocent as an angel while eating part of my rocking chair, and barked non-stop. Here is another story of my little Mutt-Boy that made me laugh and cry every day but in the end taught me a lot about life and love.

Church Funnies–The Juice of Despair!

Communion seems to be my downfall. If you read my blog on Choking on Christ, I’m sure you’ve figured out I’m a bit of a klutz and that strange things happen to me. I prefer to laugh at the silly things I do rather than to be embarrassed by them. Well, most of the time!

Several Sunday’s ago, my family and I dutifully waited for the communion tray. My husband took his and held it for me when I again popped the wafer in my mouth and grabbed a cup of juice. As I brought the cup up to my mouth, I happened to look down. Much to my horror, I saw lipstick on the cup that quickly hit my open lips! Before I could stop myself, the juice flowed into my mouth and down the hatch! I’d just drunk a used cup of juice! I was horrified as the taste of the juice filled my mouth, making me want to barf! Then an elderly woman sitting at the end of our pew let out an awful hacking cough that filled me with fears of getting hoof and mouth from her since she was the one that passed the tray to us!

My husband and daughter were both grossed out when I told them what I’d done but couldn’t stop laughing at the same time. Now my husband points out a full cup each time we take communion, and I know I’ll never live this down! LOL

Pranks A Lot–Fun Pranks and Their Unpredictable Outcomes

To prank or not to prank has always been a question for a mildly mischievous person like me. I live to prank and prank to live. But let’s be clear on what we’re talking about–when I say prank, I mean a small, funny trick I play on someone that might play lightly on their fears or gullibility that they will laugh about later. I’ve been horrified to read what some people think are pranks like putting hair remover in someone’s shampoo, harassing their victims to the point of violence, and even doing something that will humiliate them for a lifetime. No, those are just blatant, malicious acts that will harm someone or an act that could end in tragedy. A word of warning; Pranks can have unpredictable outcome–plan your gags carefully, especially after you read how my pranks have ended not at all how I thought they would. My friends and I love to mildly prank people and to be pranked in return every time we go to a conference or travel for business. We have it down to a fine science, and I’d like to share some of our tricks in hopes of inspiring you to do your own pranks.

A Kid, A Cookie and Donald Trump

Last Friday I stopped at a yard sale. An adorable four- or five-year-old girl sat at a child’s card table covered with cookies and Kool-aid. She had little blonde pigtails and a huge smile as I approached and read her sign. “Cookies . . . 50 cents . . . Kool-aid 50 cents . . . Napkins free! LOL”  I told her I better have a cookie and a free napkin. She hastily grabbed a large sugar cookie from the plastic container and held out her other hand for the money.

“How much do I owe you?” I smiled down at her innocent face as I fished out some change.

“$5.00 please.” Her face exploded with a brilliant gap-toothed smile as she watched my face contort in surprise at the price of what must be a solid gold cookie.

“Oh . . . I thought they were 50 cents?”

A Kid Tale–Cookies For Tummy

One day, when my daughter Claire was three years old, she and I ran some errands around town. We would sing to the radio as we went from place to place, and she’d tell me what she and her stuffed animal friends were thinking as we saw things out the car window. Between songs, Claire matter-of-factly said, “Mama? My tummy says it hurts.”

“Oh, dear, ask your tummy what would make it feel better.” I smiled at her, not knowing what she would say.

 

She lifted her little pink flowered shirt up to her chin and said, “Tummy? Mama wants to know what would make you feel better.” She listened intently, paused, and then nodded her head in agreement. “My tummy says oatmeal cookies please!” She grinned from ear-to-ear as she gazed expectantly at me.

 

“Tell your tummy that we’ll get some at K-Mart, our next stop.” She pulled up her shirt and repeated what my answer to her tummy. She giggled uncontrollably with her little dimpled hands over her mouth in delight.

I had just finished my K-Mart shopping when I saw the Little Debbie display,  and I pointed it out to my little Sweet-ba-tootie sitting quietly in the cart.

“Claire, tell your tummy that I found them. Here is your box of cookies.”

 

She squealed joyfully as she turned around in the cart and threw her stubbly little arms out around the box of oatmeal pies. She yanked up her shirt and yelled, “Oh, tummy, look! Mama found the cookies!” She hugged the box to her tummy and sang all the way to the checkouts. I smiled widely at her and her now happy tummy.

 

That is just one of the many rewards I got for staying home with our daughter, and I think that’s the best kind to get.

 

Love Mom

Haunted House Funnies–Scares Happen!

I used to own a commercial haunted house back in the early 2000s when my daughter was a preschooler. I’d take her out to the haunt during the day to dress sets or repair things. I just know someday she’ll tell a head doctor about all the times that as a preschooler, she took naps in a cemetery, had many monsters to play with (that were real) and played in Bloody Mary’s coffin. LOL

One day, she and I went out to the haunt so I could work on the crypt. She had a big cardboard box in our staging area she loved to put props, stuffed animals, and other toys in and close the lid. She played in the big box for hours, and I was glad. I always knew where she was and that she wasn‘t into anything that could harm her. Our staging area is where the actors kept their costumes, props, and food we all ate and drank during breaks or meetings. The Parks and Rec department owned the building we used, and they would bring inmates to empty the trash and clean up the park during the day.

Valentine’s Day Dip

You know, I’ve never been a very romantic gal,  but several years ago I had a Valentine’s Day to remember. Not for roses or candy, but for a dip I’ll never forget and no spa can top!

Many years ago on Valentine’s Day, I got ready for a date with my future husband. I decided to take a long bubble bath to relax after a day with my screaming boss and grumpy co-workers. My sweet little dog, Duffy, loved to sit by the tub and “talk” to me while I bathed. I talked and petted her as I took off my clothes (hold on, cowboys–that’s as far as this part of the story goes!), and we both bustled into the bathroom. I turned on the water and started filling the tub with lot of water the perfect temperature to relax in. I grabbed my new green bottle of expensive bubble bath I’d bought weeks earlier just as the phone rang. I hurriedly put a generous amount of bubble bath into the stream of water and raced for the phone. I returned to the bathroom a few minutes later, lit three of my favorite candles, and put on some soft music.

Our $1000.00 Free Cat, Beanie

Ok, so you know how Gizmo arrived in our family,  and now I’d like to tell you about how we got our thousand-dollar cat named Bean.
Halloween 2006 was like all the rest since I closed our haunted attraction two years earlier. My daughter, her friends, our friends, my husband and I put on a Haunted Carnival in our front yard on Halloween night for the Trick or Treater’s (ToTs). It’s more fun to host games for them to play rather than just hand out candy and be done. I spend weeks making all kinds of spooky games like a six-foot haunted tree with a strobe light and sound effects that is activated when the kids toss bats into its evil mouth. Our Haunted Carnival has become a favorite of kids and parents as they build Halloween memories. I really think the parents are more like kids than the kids are sometimes!

Church Funnies–Choking on Christ

Why do funny things happen in church? It’s not a typical place to yuck it up in but darn if things aren’t ten times funnier there than anywhere else. Here is just one of many examples I’ll be writing about.

On  a snowy Sunday the service had thankfully ground to a conclusion. Not that there was anything wrong with the sermon, but it was just a lackluster, mid-winter day where my mind wanders and my legs are restless. When it was time for communion, a deacon brought the shiny gold tray containing the body of Christ (wafer) and the blood of Christ (juice).

I was particularly gunkie that morning from allergies, but I didn’t think anything about it as I eyed the tray and waited my turn. My husband held the tray while I popped the wafer in my mouth took the cup with about a half of an ounce of juice, slugging it back like a shot. Usually it’s enough juice to allow me to swallow the wafer. But not this time! Thank to the gunk in my throat, the wafer attached itself to the back of my throat and wouldn’t go down. My eyes bulged with silent panic and lack of oxygen as I tried repeatedly to swallow. I tried to slowly breathe, but I had to stop instantly when I felt the wafer wedge more. The wafer vibrated when I’d breathe in, causing me to choke again! I didn’t want to disturb the whole church, so I tried to motion to my husband that I was choking.  He, of course, did not recognize the international symbol for choking and  had no idea what I  tried to tell him. I darted out of the sanctuary on little or no air into the gathering area. I gagged and coughed loudly, but the wafer still teetered between the two pipes and remained firmly attached to the back of my throat. I grabbed a cup and slugged down some water. It finally went down. Several pre-schoolers trotted past me with their teacher. The kids stared at me with wide eyes as I filled my lungs with air and coughed harshly at the same time. Their teacher looked sternly at them as she said, “See, kids, what can happen if you drink too fast?” I didn’t bother to use any of the newly found air I’d just greedily filled my lungs with to contradict her. I made my way back to my husband as soon as I could stop coughing and gagging.

I explained my quick exit to him, and he started quietly laughing. He said he couldn’t take me anywhere! LOL